A year ago, I started thinking about Dalton’s graduation from high school.  I didn’t let my mind linger there long because I knew I had twelve months before it was going to happen.  Now here we are a year later and we are days away from the event.  His classmates at Augusta High School will graduate this Sunday and Wichita Collegiate, the following Sunday.  The invitations to all of the graduation parties have been flooding in for weeks.  We have felt incredibly grateful for each and every one.  It means more than they know to be thought of at such a special time in their lives.  A couple of his life-long friends even included his picture in their own senior portraits.  I opened them and cried.

About a month ago, I ran into one of Dalton’s 8th grade teachers from Collegiate, Mrs. Hall.  She moved up from the middle school and is now teaching in the upper school.  She wanted me to know that the seniors have been writing these very extensive “life papers” and a good amount of Dalton’s peers had written about him.  It made me feel appreciative that his friends had not forgotten about him.

This morning, the seniors at AHS held their annual senior breakfast and they included Dalton.  Bailey Pennycuff and Jake Tucker each shared funny memories about him in front of their classmates – such as the time Bailey dared DD to drink paint water in 4th grade and he willingly obliged and the day Dalton told Jake he would “give him 100 points” to walk out onto the frozen pond by our house, only to turn around and abandon him when the ice started cracking.  I assure you I DID NOT know about that, but was not surprised.

It is tradition for the seniors in Augusta to visit their old elementary schools before they graduate.  Yesterday, Dalton’s classmates from St. James Catholic School sent me the most beautiful picture of them standing in front of the alter holding a picture of him.  Within an hour of receiving that, his 5th grade teacher from Ewalt Elementary, Mrs. Puckett, sent me a picture of his classmates’ final visit to their old school.  She text me a heartfelt message about how he was included in her thoughts that day.  It fills and breaks my heart in the same beat.

I forwarded the pictures of Dalton’s classmates visiting their old schools to my in-laws.  My sister-in-law replied with the following kind message:  “This is such a hard time to be joyous.  I cannot imagine how you feel.  Just know we are all in this together and we love you guys very much.  We miss Dalton so much.”  Immediately, the current bible study I’m participating in came to mind.  It’s called “Choose JOY – Because Happiness Isn’t Enough” by Kay Warren.  In session 2, entitled “Joy is a Conviction of My Mind,” we learned the definition of true, biblical joy:  Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right; and the determined choice to praise God in all things.  I may need to write that on an index card and tape it on my mirror above the bathroom sink.  It’s simple to read, but complicated at times to put into practice after an out-of-order death like we have experienced.  How do I do that all of the time when I feel so much sorrow?

There are a couple ways I do that I suppose.  First off, I focus on the beauty of the things I am blessed with today.  Colton is this amazing young man who is working, going to school, planning a wedding, and a foster parent to my future grandkids – Kaemyn and Kalyssa.  All of that at 22.  Words can’t say how proud of him I am.  Keely is 20, going to school for a business degree, works in internal marketing at Global Parts, teaches at Barre Forte several days out of the week, volunteers every weekend at New Spring Church to work with 2nd graders, attends a bible study each Sunday night herself, and is basically a second mother to her little sister.  God truly gave me a gift in my oldest daughter.  Then there’s Dawsyn.  In 2 1/2 short years, she has mended all of our shattered hearts.  Between her bubbly laugh and her unyielding bear hugs, you can’t spend five minutes around her without feeling intense joy.  Not just happiness.  I’m talking joy. She reassures me that her birth was no accident and God chose me to be her mother for a reason  Kay Warren wrote in our study that “joy and sorrow are two parallel tracks that run inseparably throughout our lives.” That is my life.  I’ll carry this sorrow with me until the day that I die.  But riding there right alongside that pain will be true joy in the areas of my life that God has blessed me with.  May I always strive to see my circumstances through the lens of eternity, rather than the lens of the temporary.  I will see my son again.

So, seniors at Augusta High School and Wichita Collegiate, enjoy your last couple of days before becoming high school graduates.  I am proud of each and every one of you.  The future belongs to you and you can accomplish anything you set out to.  Thank you for loving my son.  Thank you for being his friend.  And when the time comes to toss your cap up in the air, do me a favor and toss it for DD too.  You know as well as I do that he was always up for a good time.  Though he won’t be there physically, you can count on him being there in spirit.  I can see it now… he’ll be slouching in a chair (praying the ceremony gets over soon), legs crossed, arms behind his head while checking out the ladies, and spitting invisible sunflower seeds at the back of some of your heads.  All while maintaining the DD smirk and eyebrow raise.  Because you and I both know he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

MY PRAYER

Father, I want to believe that you can replace my mourning with dancing and I can become a woman who feels the sadness of life but still chooses to pursue joy.  I want to live today, right now, as someone who chooses joy.  Give me strength and courage to look for your blessings on this journey.  I CHOOSE JOY.