It was a muggy morning in August of 2002 when Troy dropped Colton off at the old St. James Catholic School on State Street to start his first day of kindergarten.  It broke my heart not to be there, but I had my own kindergartners waiting to meet me, their teacher at St. Thomas Aquinas School in Wichita.  I had kissed him earlier that morning and promised him he would be just fine.  We had read a hundred books about school leading up to this big day and I assured him over and over that he would love his teacher and he would make lots of friends.  He still insisted that “school was for other kids, but not for him” and he hated the idea of “being somewhere for so many hours in the day.”  Side note:  I’m pretty certain we had that conversation every first day of school for the next twelve years.

This pint-sized woman named Donna Hoefgen would turn out to be Colton’s teacher.  Mrs. Hoefgen is the closest person to a saint I have likely ever met on this side of heaven.  She picked up on Colton’s shyness and insecurities immediately and showered him with the type of love and affection every parent dreams their child’s teacher would do for their own.  Mrs. Hoefgen had this intuition about her that let her know whenever Colton needed a “little extra loving” as she would call it.  If you asked Colton’s St. James classmates now, some might roll their eyes as it was not uncommon to see Colton curled up on Mrs. Hoefgen’s lap for storytime or his hand in hers walking down the hallway.

Enter into the picture a little blonde girl with tight pigtails and a missing front tooth.  Unlike Colton (our oldest), Carly was the third of three girls and a little more secure in herself.  She had already watched her two older sisters go off to school so kindergarten wasn’t quite as traumatic to her as Colton seemed to think it was.  That’s not to say she was outspoken because that wasn’t the case.  Carly simply exhibited a quiet confidence about herself.  If you ask her if she remembers Colton always sitting on Mrs. Hoefgen’s lap, she will laugh and say, “oh yeah – we all do.”  

Colton and Carly shared the same teachers for the next five years and then, finally, in 2007, they would both be in my classroom.  By that time I had moved to St. James and was teaching 5th grade.  It was interesting teaching my own son, but not bad.  I would say it was actually rather uneventful as Colton was always pretty quiet and respectful to me as his teacher.  Not lost on me, though, was the way Carly looked at him.  You see, Carly has been a nurturer for as long as I can remember and she always took care of Colton in the classroom.  Maybe she was just irritated with how he worked at a sloth’s pace.  Who knows?  By way of illustration, I would tell the students to get out a piece of paper for a spelling test and Carly would have this quiet, agitated look about her as she would watch Colton struggle for five minutes to find some paper in his desk to use.  And that generally was followed by watching him struggle to locate a pencil for another five.  By the second month of 5th grade, every time I announced we were about to take a spelling test, Carly would snatch two pieces of paper out of her notepad with lightning speed, write her name and date in the right corner of one page and Colton’s on the other.  She would number them both to ten.  After that she would smoothly slide Colton’s paper over to him on his desk (along with one of her pencils to borrow) as he would give her this shy look of gratitude, mixed with a little envy over how a human being could move so fast.

Fast forward to seventeen years after these two people met in kindergarten at their little catholic school in Augusta, KS and here we are days away from watching them vow before God, family, and friends that they are willing to love, protect, and cherish each other all the days of their lives.  Along with Carly’s parents, Troy and I can’t express how proud we are of them.   Colton and Carly are two of the most unselfish people I know.  About 3 ½ – 4 years ago, God brought two beautiful children into their lives, quite unexpectedly, and now they are only months away from officially adopting them.  Which means the four of them will be experiencing the concept of being an instant family from the get-go.  None of us could imagine it any other way though.  Kaemyn and Kalyssa may not share our DNA, but they are 100% our family.  We are the ones blessed to know them.

Speaking directly to you both, Colton and Carly, I don’t feel necessarily qualified to give you a mouthful of marital advice.  So I will try my best to keep this short.

1. Make God the head of your marriage and your family. A person or couple may experience “happy” times, but they will not fully know what true love is without God as the cornerstone.  And while we are on this topic, never stop going to church.  Don’t make excuses.  You just go.
2. Forgive each other when you make mistakes and then don’t forget to forgive yourself in the process.
3. Remember what is was that drew you to the other person when you first met.
4. Don’t lie.
5. Selflessness is one of the greatest attributes a married person can possess.  Once you are joined before God, it’s not all about you anymore.
6. Humor is imperative.  Did you know that by laughing you release endorphins, which can actually help ease pain?  I promise, it’s science.
7. Don’t stop communicating.  A marriage can plunge quickly as soon as the husband and wife stop talking to one another like they used to.
8. Even though we live in a culture today that seems to focus more on what is good for YOU and not what might be good for OTHERS, it’s still okay to stay together for the sake of your children (assuming there is no evidence of something like physical abuse).  And if you don’t believe me, do your own research on children with divorced parents.  I will not dwell on this point long, but let me say I’ve seen my share of marriages fail because one or both parties have changed their minds.  If at all possible, do the work to save your marriage in the seasons of trouble. Because you will have those.
9. Try this during a disagreement- when one of you suggests something that YOU KNOW is just outrageous or downright stupid, don’t speak for a full 5-10 seconds and pretend like it is the absolute best advice you have ever heard in your life before you respond.  I said pretend.  Chances are you will find that it isn’t quite as bad as you thought it was before you gave them the benefit of the doubt.  Trust me on this one because I have to practice this on Troy all of the time.  He says a plethora of dumb stuff every day of his life.
10. . Finally, I will tell you now that material things do not automatically equal happiness.  Happiness, to me, is looking at a $450 wedding ring that has rarely been taken off my finger in 23 years.  Troy has tried to upgrade it and even replace it more times than I can count. You know why no one is ever going to touch that little ¼ carat diamond ring of mine?  Because it reminds me of when times were simple.  I was 18 years old when I first put that ring on and it was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen.  I felt so proud to wear it and what it represented.  Material things… stuff… they can certainly be nice, but they also have a danger in them.  When you start enjoying all the “stuff” more and “each other” less, it’s time to refocus and get back to the basics of being simply Colton and Carly.  Newlyweds.

Yeah so that was way longer than I thought it would be.  Sorry.  Truth be told, I primarily want to say enjoy these next couple days.  Try to enjoy as many little moments as you can before Saturday at 2:30pm rolls around.  You are about to come before God and marry your best friend.  Your pal since kindergarten.  I mean, come on, how many couples get to say they married their actual childhood sweetheart?  The person they have known since they were six years old?  This is truly an amazing thing and Troy and I could not have picked a better daughter-in-law than you, Carly Zoe.  You had our blessing many years ago.

And let’s not forget a certain someone else who may be watching this union take place here in a couple days.  Colton, the decision you made to honor Dalton as your best man had to be a challenging one.  You were each bound to be one other’s best man at both of your weddings, respectively.   You showed a lot of maturity by following through with that decision.  And I would be surprised if he didn’t show you some sort of a sign as if to say, “I’m here bud.  I never left you.”  Then perhaps followed by an, “Oh and how long do these things last?  Do you think they would let me have a snack up here?”