To Dalton’s friends,

It seems surreal that most of you are about to begin your senior year in high school. How can it be that Dalton should be graduating with you in the spring when he never even saw a single classroom as a freshman? I still see him in my mind as an 8^th grader. I know you do too.

Why am I writing you, you ask? For one, I don’t have a high school senior to give any words of wisdom to. Secondly, I still think about you and pray for all of you. This year especially. Many of you are spending the last year under your parent’s roof. Soon you will be going off to college or work or college and work. And today’s culture is much different than the one your parents grew up in. However, you have the ability to be a beacon of hope to your peers and the face of Jesus to the world.

I have always been a ridiculous note-taker. In school. When I was a teacher. As a mom. When I hear something that sounds profound, I try to stop whatever I’m doing and either write it down or put it in my notes in my phone. I take notes whenever I read, listen to a sermon on the radio, watch a sermon online or in person, hear a guest speaker, and attend a conference. Later, I reflect on those notes and try to discern what they really mean and how I can apply them to my life. I feel strongly that God is calling on me today to use what knowledge and experience I have received to pass it on to you as you embark upon one of the most exciting years of your lives.

Not in any particular order of importance, I have decided to bullet point several highlighted items in my notebook that I feel like are applicable to you right now in your life:

• It’s not about you. It’s what you have been called to do. If God has given you a platform (such as a role of leadership) He gave you that platform for Him. When leading (be it a sports team or a debate team), lead for the purpose God has given you – not the position. Do good to the people you lead. Be willing to confront evil. The opposite of a leader is a bystander. And, finally, lead for self-sacrifice and not for self-benefit.

• We can’t see what God can see. Don’t get so fixated on a door that closes that you can’t see the door that opens. (I used to watch my own kids go thru this with boyfriends and girlfriends).

 

• Pray. Why do you need to pray? 1) We know God hears us. 2) We are invited to pray about anything and everything. 3) God gives us the Holy Spirit to help us pray. 4) Prayers are always your safe place (He is your refuge – pour your heart out to Him. 5) Jesus even gave you a template about how to pray when He gave you the Lord’s Prayer. 6) Prayer invites God’s amazingly creative solutions into your problems. Never stop praying (1 Thess 5:17). You may not like God’s timing in answering your prayer requests, but His timing is always perfect.

• Trust God is working for you. Peter, James and John had to learn to trust Jesus when He instructed them to throw their nets deeper to catch more fish. They were probably annoyed since fishing was their expertise. Of course, they found out Jesus was right when they trusted Him. How about you? Can you trust God in an area of your competence (something you are good in)? It’s easy to obey God in a time of uncertainty. Obedience is a form of humility and it makes God ultimately responsible. God can never advance you past your level of obedience.

• Staying power is staying when things get difficult. (Ever wanted to quit a team because the physical demands felt too tough)? There are 7 Laws of Staying Power: 1) Any truly worthwhile quest will present you with a “quit now” moment. 2) A life of quitting early will leave you with an inventory of unfinished business. 3) We tend to overestimate our own strength and underestimate God’s. 4) You don’t have to beat your opponents – just outlast them. 5) Often battles are won at moments that don’t feel like real victories. 6) God commends us in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses. 7) Perseverance may end up being your greatest achievement.

• Be a kindness dispenser. It’s hard to be kind and unhappy. Being rude to someone shows how insecure and weak you really are. Like Isaiah tells us, God has blotted out our sins and our transgressions are no more. Forgive one another. You are going to need mercy shown to you one day so show it to your friends. Trust me when I say life is too short to hold grudges.

• Follow Jesus. If you follow Jesus, you will discover your own life and it will be manifested in love. You will never follow Jesus to hate, be racist, rage, to grudge, or get even. All commandments come down to loving God and loving others. Every problem you have – love solves. “The drama is killing me!” “I feel like I’m being shut out.” “People let me down.” “I don’t know how to fit in with the kids in my school.” Consider this… If you focus more on God’s love for you, your love for Him will grow. The more we love Him, the more we can love difficult people.

• Girls, especially girls – hear this one. Not everyone that can give you advice should be giving you advice. Try these 3 questions to ask yourself if you are seeking good advice or not: 1) Does this person know more than I do? 2) Will this person tell me what I need to know or tell me what I want to hear? 3) Is this person motivated by the right thing? Remember, there is no such thing as neutral advice. Every advisor is motivated by something and a good person brings loyalty into their advice giving.

• Finally, does God have it in His plans for YOU to be a catalyst in making a difference in today’s school/cultural life? YES! God wants and expects you to be different – the way you think, talk, and behave. To be holy is to be different. Let the Lord God guide you. Gal 5:16 tells you that the Holy Spirit will guide you so that your sinful nature will not take over. Let the fruits of the Holy Spirit fill you with how you should talk/think/act. Be aware of those who are hurting around you. Be DIFFERENT and talk to them. Listen to them. When it’s just you and another student walking down the hall, don’t avoid eye contact (even if he/she does) and say hi. Smile. You have no idea how far a smile goes in the mind of a kid who thinks they have no value or purpose.

Lastly, I ask that whenever possible, talk about Dalton. Call me or write me and I’ll be happy to talk to you about Dalton. One of the hardest things about losing a child is rarely does anyone say their name anymore. And that is NOT what a bereaved parent wants at all. If possible, we would love to be invited to some of the games, concerts, plays, graduations, etc. that you will be participating in during the school year. After all, we were very much expecting to be watching Dalton play sports in High School, but that was not part of the plan.

So be kind to your parents. Be patient. They, like you, aren’t perfect. But they care so much about you and want this year to be a great success. Don’t groan when they remind you to not text and drive, to stay away from the “wrong crowd,” to wait until you are 21 to drink, and to have the courage to say absolutely no to using any kind of drug. Will it separate you from the “in crowd?” Maybe. Or maybe that “in crowd” will see something about you that is different. Favorable. Honorable. You won’t know until you try it. I challenge you this year to simply be different.

To be very blunt, drugs and alcohol and reckless behavior can lead to some serious consequences. Though Dalton was not under the influence of and drugs or alcohol that day in 2014, he likely was driving recklessly. What happened was an accident, but it never should have happened in the first place. Don’t let your negative, impulsive choices impact your loved ones and leave them devastated like we were.

I recently heard a story about a grieving mother orca whale who held on to her dead calf for over 2 weeks before she finally let him go. It seems crazy to compare myself to an orca whale, but wow I get it! The initial pain, shock, and disbelief are all reasons I could see her wanting to just keep that calf close as possible for as long as possible. How bittersweet that moment must have been on Saturday when she finally told him or her goodbye. I remember my own moment of not wanting to let go. I did not want Dalton’s casket to close for the last time. My boy was in there with all my hopes and dreams for him. Just tucked in like he was taking a nap. Of course, little did I know at that moment he was likely already experiencing Jesus face to face. Picture him now watching and praying for all of you on earth to be different (God knows he was lol). He is cheering you on to be the light in a world of too much darkness and make this year count like none before.

With all my love,

Dalton’s mom

P.S. I hope these pictures of many of you bring a smile to your face. They did mine.