Using the money that was set aside for Dalton’s college fund, we bought his headstone. We only drug our feet on this decision for seventeen months. Knowing that her father and I couldn’t bring ourselves to pick it out, Keely took charge. Making it her senior project, our courageous daughter designed the entire thing. She worked alongside two wonderful people at SI Memorials in Wichita for months creating the perfect piece of art to represent her little brother. Would I have had that kind of courage at 17 to do such a thing for my brother or sister? I doubted it.

Approaching SI Memorials, I paused. Looking over my shoulder, Wesley Hospital towered over all the other buildings from across the street. How ironic. I was about to pay for the headstone of a boy I gave birth to only a couple hundred feet away from there. Close to fifteen years earlier, I had whined to Dr. Zielke about the new birthing suites not being finished in time for me to deliver there. Now enough time has passed that they are being remodeled. Forcing myself not to get back in my car, I took a deep breath and walked in.

A kind man named Luke greeted me and sat me down at his desk. Respectfully, he went through all the details of Dalton’s headstone with me one more time. Knowing that space was going to be an issue at the gravesite to accommodate mine, Troy’s and Dalton’s plots, Keely chose a design where our three headstones would be set upon one base. I will be on the left, Dalton in the middle, and Troy on the right. Just like we slept for the first 8 or 9 years of DD’s life. Before the accident, I would have been VERY creeped out by seeing my own name on a headstone while I was still alive. While it still doesn’t feel quite natural, now it doesn’t bother me a bit. After all, isn’t the cemetery more of a way to remember the lives of people passed? I don’t actually PLAN on being there. The day they bury my physical body in the ground, my spiritual body will be in heaven squeezing a 13 year old boy.

Luke explained that because of the complexity of the design, it would take close to nine months to complete the headstone. The granite has to be imported and the marble statue must be created from scratch. Keely’s design turned out to be quite impressive. She had been so willing to learn the art of headstone design and put her own creative skills to work. Because of that, Troy and I did not want to change any part of her original creation. It was made out of the love she felt for her brother. Something that will remain hopefully for a long time to commemorate the life of a person gone too soon. Her signature will be etched on the back to give her the credit she deserves. I wrote the check, thanked Luke for taking time to be a mentor to my daughter, and left.

Expecting to fall apart in my car, I was taken back by my own sense of peace. It was done. The thing I dreaded the most was finally done. My daughter had taken the sting out of the project for her dad and me. I wondered how heavy of a weight it put on her during the design process. Was it emotional for her or did it seem more like an assignment? Regardless, I no longer have to dread the headstone topic. Soon I’ll be visiting my son’s grave and marveling at what an unselfish act it was for his sister to create such a beautiful piece of art. Maybe the pain will diminish some after the headstone is in place. Or maybe it will be worse. I suppose time will tell. That is grief for you. It is relentless, torturous sorrow sandwiched between moments of joy.

We are three weeks away from our daughter’s high school graduation. Troy and I can’t be more proud of the young lady she has become. Enduring a difficult time like losing a brother can wreak havoc on a teenager’s life. I can’t say enough how much I appreciate the friends that have supported her and stayed by her side through all the good times and bad. A walk in her shoes is probably nothing her former friends would ever care to do. But, maybe one day things will change. Keely Cheri Palmer, we are so proud of you and love you unconditionally. Your dad and I are very excited that you have decided to enter the graphic design department at Wichita State University. It is the perfect fit for our baby girl.