You don’t have to be a bible scholar to quote John 3:16.  If there is only one bible verse a person knows by heart, it is usually that one.  It sums up the gospel in one sentence.  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” (NASB)  I love how John writes “For God SO loved the world.”  It is one thing to be loved.  But to be SO loved by God feels even more amazing.  I did nothing to deserve it, yet I have it.  It is a free gift given to you and me, paid for by the blood of Christ.  All He asks in return is for us to love one another like He loves us.  The apostle John says if we can handle that, we can escape perishing.  We like to make it complex, but it really boils down to that offer.  It is an offer that is all-inclusive.  No one is excluded from accepting the granddaddy of all deals.

I used to tell Dalton that he had two angels on his shoulders – the good angel (on the right of course) and the bad angel on the left.  When he was feeling tempted to be naughty, he would fling the bad angel off his shoulder so he couldn’t listen to him.  Go ahead and imagine how many times I saw that  sight.  Or how many times he told me he flung the bad angel off his shoulder after he had already finished doing the misbehavior so he “wouldn’t do it again.” In fact, DD’s favorite bible story was always the fight between God and the Devil and how “God kicked Lucifer out of Heaven.”  I would embellish the story of the famous struggle at his request time after time because he loved any plot involving fighting.

Truth be told, the Devil works his magic on us each chance he gets by telling us that we aren’t loved by God.  Satan manipulates us into thinking our unhappy circumstances are a reflection of God’s displeasure in us.  He likes to plant the seed in our minds to wonder “Where is God in my life?” when I have cancer, when a loved one dies, or when I lose a job? Or he whispers in our ears that our sins are too great for God and that we can’t truly be worthy of God’s affection.  I felt that way in the first months after losing Dalton.  I was blinded by believing that somehow I caused my son’s accident.  As if the words were actually being hissed into my ears by Satan himself, I assumed the sins of my past precipitated my current agony.  He lobbied to make me believe that I had committed the worst sins possible and that God would never see them as forgivable.

It took time to understand the depth of God’s love for me.  I rode out some turbulent storms before I figured out that there is nothing you or I can do to make God ever love us more or less than he does right at this very moment.  This means everyone you know and everyone you don’t know is equally loved by God. The blood of Jesus was not shed for a select few.  It does not exclude.  He died for the murderers, adulterers, thieves, terrorists, evolutionists, and atheists.  He died for the unborn, homosexuals, mentally ill, homeless, and rich.  He died for the person who cut you off in traffic and the politician you despise.  He died for the person that is different from you.  He died for Dalton, you, and me.  And it’s not based on what we do or don’t do.  Instead it is based on His nature and choice to love human beings.  We can screw up over and over and yet He pours out his perpetual forgiveness and love onto us.

Healing through the loss of a child is certainly a process.  It happens at its own pace.  You must endure the pain in order to experience the grace.  Allowing yourself to feel God’s love rests at the core of it all.  Dalton’s death was not the result of our shortcomings as parents or because God was settling some sort of score.  It was an accident that resulted from a spur of the moment, free-will decision.  As a result of it, I believe God intends to use us to inspire others how to receive suffering while trusting in Him.  After all, how often have you heard a person say, “I grew closest to God when my life was free from pain and suffering?” For it is through the suffering that we begin to feel God’s love the greatest.  Josef Tson, a Romanian Baptist pastor imprisoned for his faith under the communist regime, wrote, “The one who sacrificially accepts to be a blessing for others discovers that, in the final analysis, he is the one who has harvested the greatest blessings.”

I pray during the Christmas season that people everywhere can say to themselves that the very God that spoke them into existence at just the right time SO loves them right now at this moment.  You, Dalton and I were created for a purpose and God has a plan for our lives.  He has counted every hair on our head and knows us by name.  Accept the affection God has for you and help pass that love on to someone new.  That is called sharing the Gospel.  Whether you are fortunate enough to spend the season with people you love, or no family to share Christmas with at all, find a way to be God’s witness to another.  And remember, there is never, ever, anything you can do to make God love you more or less that He does right now.

Merry Christmas to my boy in Heaven and to all of you!

Jenny