There are very few things in this life that I crave.  I suppose various things have fallen into this category at some point or another:  ice cream from Freddy’s, coffee first thing in the morning, or even a trip to a new country.  Ever since November 15, 2014 I have craved nothing more than to see my son.  It is a longing that festers in the pit of my stomach.  Occasional triggers bring the craving to see Dalton to inconceivable levels.  I am powerless in these moments.  They come.  I suffer.  Then I do everything I can to turn towards God and replace my trust in His plan.

In the first week following the accident, Troy and I implored God to give us a sign that DD was okay.  I would rock back and forth on the couch and repeat a mantra of “Tell me he is okay, tell me he is okay, tell me he is okay.”  In the shower I would repeat the same thing.  It wasn’t a lack of faith.  I believe I was just searching for some sort of confirmation from Dalton himself.  It came on Day 4.  We have a double shower in our master bath.  Troy and I were both showering in silence, deep in our own thoughts.  Above the sound of the water humming in my ears, I heard his voice.  It was one word and one word only.  “Mom.”  It was monotone and steady as if he was trying to say “why would you ever doubt where I am?”  Right then I looked over at Troy and my eyes confirmed what my heart already knew.  He had heard the exact same thing and in the same tone.  Troy asked me if I heard that.  I said, “Did you just hear ‘Mom’?”  He nodded in disbelief.  Standing under steaming hot water, we both were covered head to toe in chills and tears.

In the seven months to follow, I have craved another sign from Dalton to reassure us.  I know God doesn’t have a single thing to prove, yet the human side of me pleads with Him on a daily basis.  For whatever reason, God allowed Dalton to communicate to us days after his passing.  Though it was brief, we accepted the gift.  We needed something… anything… at that time in our grief and it was delivered to us in a single word.  The second present from God came yesterday.

The days leading up to Father’s Day and Dalton’s birthday have been agonizing for Troy.  All I have to do is listen for the sound of his crying to find him.  It could be in the bathroom, garage, or even in his car.  In times past when I would walk up to him, he would stop and wipe away the tears.  However, these tears are different.  He can’t stop the pain.  He can’t find something else to think about, nor can he focus on all the other blessings in his life.  He wants his son.  He doesn’t want to celebrate Father’s Day without all three of his children.  He doesn’t want DD to turn 14 tomorrow without him.  I have done my best to comfort him, but fall short.  The best I can do is turn that task over to God.  Oh boy, did our Lord provide!

I was sitting in the back of our boat yesterday while Troy was taking us on an afternoon stroll on Grand Lake.  Colton and his girlfriend, Carly, were at the front.  Without any warning that it was coming, I looked up and saw Dalton standing beside his dad while Troy drove the boat.  I noticed Troy had scooted over to the right as if to make room for his son.  Dalton’s right arm was around Troy and his left hand held a package of green (presumably dill pickle) sunflower seeds.  I was watching the way both of their hair blew with the wind and how similar the muscles in their backs looked.  Dalton didn’t appear in a completely solid form.  Instead he looked a bit fuzzy.  I wasn’t about to glance away.  My heart was begging him to turn around.  I needed to see his face.  At that moment, he did about a quarter turn with his face, looked at me, winked, and made his famous clicking sound.  After that, he turned back around and focused his attention on his dad.  Tears came.  Tears of sadness?  Tears of joy?  I had no idea.  Troy turned back to look at me sitting at the back of the boat and all of a sudden Dalton was gone as quickly as he came.  I noticed Troy had been crying too.

Last night I had just finished texting about the boat encounter to my friend Traci when I knew I had to tell Troy what I saw.  We were standing in our bathroom at the lakehouse when I told Troy that I needed to tell him something.  He could see the look on my face and knew it was about Dalton.  He stopped me.  He said he wanted to tell me something first.  I said to go ahead.  Through more tears, once again Troy spoke what my heart already knew.  He said that he felt Dalton beside him today as he was driving the boat.  He wasn’t sure how long he had been there, but he had never felt a presence so strong before.  I shared what I had witnessed from the back of the boat.  We both recalled how last year during a trip to the lake for Dalton’s birthday, Troy taught DD how to drive the Cobalt for the first and only time.  I just happened to be sitting behind them and snapped a picture of how beautiful the sight had been from my perspective – a father and his son sharing a once in a lifetime experience.

Tonight I want to thank Dalton from the bottom of my heart for giving his dad the greatest Father’s Day gift he had in his control to give.  But, more importantly, I give all glory to God for allowing us this moment.  It was brief, but we will take it.  As far as tomorrow goes, happy 14th birthday DD.  I love you to the moon and back.