DD,

You left us 427 days ago. Today was the 427^th day in a row I haven’t had to stress over being 5 minutes late to pick you up from a practice after you call me twice asking me if “I’m almost there.” Tonight will be the 427^th night I lay my head down to sleep knowing you are not tucked in the bed upstairs you shared with Colton. And, after 427 days, your absence isn’t felt any less than it did the first night we came home from the hospital.

What I miss the most about you is your ability to make people laugh. Though generally your humor bordered on various stages of inappropriateness, it never failed to entertain me. Ever since you were very little, you had a wit and charm about you that people found alluring. Of course there were times you used it to your advantage when it came to getting yourself out of trouble. But, more often than not, you used your humor to make people feel good. My favorite place to watch you smile was when you were hanging out with your teammates in the dugout of a baseball game. Your laugh could be heard from beyond the outfield fence as you joked with and encouraged the other boys. I wonder if they ever miss your laugh too.

What I wish I had said to you on the last day I saw you alive was I am proud of you. I always told you I loved you, but I didn’t say how proud I was of you often enough. I guess I assumed you knew. You, Colton, and Keely are my greatest accomplishments and I could not thank God enough for allowing me to be your mother. From your first steps to your home runs, my heart has overflowed with pride and love for you. There is nothing you ever could have done to make me love you any less.

What is hardest for me now is the wait. I know I will see you again, but the passing of time hurts to a depth that words can’t describe. I want to watch you pitch… now. I want to teach you how to drive a car… now. I want to help you pick out a suit for a formal dance… now. I want to wait for you to fall asleep and then lightly kiss your forehead… tonight. Waiting sucks. How long do I have to wait to hold you again? You might begin preparing yourself for that day because I can’t promise how long I’m going to squeeze you.

What I would like to ask you is to help guide your brother and sister in their earthly lives. Whether that means to intervene in situations yourself or to chat with their guardian angels, please watch over them and keep them safe. Colton is Colton. I have heard you say that a thousand of times. You know he doesn’t open up easily and getting him to talk about you is very, very tough. I can see in his eyes how much he misses you, yet he rarely says your name. Does he talk directly to you? And please help your sister. She has been affected in more ways than I thought possible. The struggle for her is more than day by day. Probably more like minute to minute. Please help guide her friends to be patient with her and her with them. You knew how to handle her the best. Who can forget the infamous snapchat from you… “Guess who’s sister is being bitchy?”

I’m keeping my memories of you alive by blogging and telling stories of you to people I meet. Fortunately, I have enough DD Palmer stories to keep blogging for a long time. You gave me a lot of material in 13 years. If I asked your classmates and teammates, my guess is they would say the same thing. I especially love hearing the girls talk about their favorite DD moments. Did you notice Bailey Pennycuff came to the candlelight service at compassionate friends in December? That beautiful girl misses you so much. I know how you felt about her.

Dad and I love you so much. Being your parents was the best honor in the world. We are blessed.

Mom

P.S. Colton hasn’t stopped smiling since the Broncos won.